Jesus: Change My Life... please

I love my God.

I cannot tell you how much I heart this post... my life has become simpler since reading it.
I have, for a long time, been stewing on John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  mostly, I've been trying to figure out how I can live my abundant life. I still don't know BUT I am toning down the drama. (!!) I wouldn't have considered myself high maintenance however I am more than qualified in making life difficult and have been busy putting my qualification to good use! Naughty. Life has not been easy and I have not made wise choices or contributions.
How do I stop being so selfish? Do I immerse myself in all that is unfair in the world to sweep me out of my inward view? Do I pray it out? Do I decide it out? Is it as simple as a choice? Am I not busy enough? Am I too busy?
I KNOW; put God first and everything else will fall into place; but imperfection being what it is, I struggle so much, especially when I think I am always right and can fix all that is wrong with the world if only people would listen.
Again, cannot say it enough, I am so awfully grateful that God is God and I am not, He is grace when I need it most. He doesn't judge me as cruelly as I judge others.

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Love our youth: This chap in the middle is Dalen.

He is Year 9, goes to an all boys school, predominantly PI and Maori, got a mouth on him like nothing else! (Makes up for his stature I'm guessing) You can hear him clearly in the above video, singing out of tune, but loving waiata with the boys!! I'm gonna miss hanging with these guys. My husband is stepping out of Youth into a new direction. I'm gutted actually. I have been so selfish and precious with my family time in my struggle to find balance and I haven't appreciated what was always in front of me. I do think I had a lot of growth on the cards - I was a lot grumpier as a Youth Leader than I am now, leaning more towards the love and less toward the discipline and structure. (Though... I am still grumpy - had a kid say the F word right in front of me while sitting in my lounge - BOY did he get it! Same kid actually.)

I will miss the vibrancy. The life. The laughter. I will miss the free way they live life, old enough to make their own decisions, too young to carry any real responsibility.

Still I need to ask God how we channel all that life into Him!

Blurry pic but it is clear our lounge is full... 

When we serve such a great God who does so much for us how can live life and not be CONTAGIOUSLY filled with Him.

How do we show the love of the Creator to those who need Him and don't know it yet?

God who intricately created each spot on each bloom of this flower

Each little knuckle on the toe of this foot....

He created this moment for my eyes to see!

How do I live life with such a wonderful God, and become so good at containing His splendour

When I should be letting it all out.

He has His best work on display for me daily...

And yet I feel like I keep Him locked away for none but me.

Job 26:7-10 He spreads out the northern skies over empty space; he suspends the earth over nothing. He wraps up the waters in his clouds, yet the clouds do not burst under their weight. He covers the face of the full moon, spreading his clouds over it. He marks out the horizon on the face of the waters for a boundary between light and darkness.

I've ended up on a tangent. 

Still... any ideas.....?

Hymn

We had a phenomenal Women's Conference! Vicki Simpson was The Business! She said it was prophesied that she is a jack hammer and BOY was she! No mucking around, she jumped straight it and busted things up! AWESOME!! I officially LOVE Italians.

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My Mama used to sing this all the time:

I didn't come here to ask You for anything
Oh I just came to say: Thank You Lord.
You answered my many prayers that I forgot to thank You for
So I just came to say: Thank You Lord.

Maybe tomorrow
There'll be sadness and sorrow
And a thousand tear drops may fall....
But until I face tomorrows task
I have no special things to ask
Oh I just came to say: Thank You Lord....

I think in the bigness of this World we live in - with celebrity lifestyle and reality tv and people wanting more, more, more and now, now, now - we can sometimes forget the simple things...

A hug
A wave
A smile
A laugh
A please
A thank you
A hand to lift
An ear to listen
A shoulder to cry on
even
The place you rest

...they matter to me... they should matter to 'we'....

I have moved into the spare room.
This is probably not a good idea and it may not last long but I am loving my space and the bed (a queen) to myself and the quiet. I get to have my 450 thread count sheets with my too soft pillows on a too soft mattress. Our bed (a super king) was made, perfectly, for my husband. It is rock hard and I really don't like it - so mini, pointless I might add, protest is on the cards and I am in the spare room. So far three nights, last night The Boss Man joined me. I like to think he wanted to be near me, however, it has also been really cold in these parts so seeing as I am a walking hottie (lol) I think there is other selfish reasoning.

Ok, what is on my heart at the moment:

My marriage: We are very busy. We hardly see each other AND he is really... irritable and irritating. Next weekend we are spending time together, not doing Church (though I think we will, we both love the house of God) but I'm praying God will breathe a fresh appreciation into my marriage - I don't want to be stale.

My future: I have not completely let go of my Waikato roots. I miss my whanau so much, miss the ease of their company, the laughter and hilarity that only comes when you know someone inside out. Anyway, I know I am called here but I would go home tomorrow if I could.

I need to load photos soon so much has happened that I am not adding... see you soon.

She's very crafty

Cracks me up the double meaning for the word 'crafty' and the care you must have when using it in 'mixed' company.

Anyway - I have a fabulous friend who is very crafty and seeing as I am a Craft-Amateur, I leap on every little thing she deems 'simple' but this one has step by step instructions with photos and even the photos are gorgeous. So here I share: The Purl Bee

We have a Women's Conference next weekend - probably should've posted this a long time ago - but should you find yourself at a loose I would love to meet you! Come on down!

Equippers Women

While I cannot guarantee you will meet Crafters, you'll definitely meet Gifted women, passionate, with a heart after God.

What else is happening at the moment...

TODAY - two of the sweetest people I know are getting married!! About time many would say, but God's timing is perfect - they were made for each other in the sincerest sense of the words... I love a good wedding and am determined not to cry (seeing as I have to sing shortly after the Bride arrives and knowing a runny nose will do me no aide!) 

And the sweetest engagement too: They had agreed to no presents for their anniversary and decided on a picnic dinner at the beach... then he surprises her with this box.... a photo of his hand, with the engagement ring sitting on top, two glasses filled with her favourite sweets, yummy grape juice - who knew romance was still so alive and well!

Hm, wedding anniversary next Weds - not sure if we'll do anything - nine years seems a little flat to celebrate - never know maybe I'll get a surprises too! Haha.

Ok, I better get going - usually I leave the Getting Ready too late and then I'm in a flap!!

Hugs to you!

Uh oh!

How do you keep up when you have subscribed to a lot of reads? (is this the time consuming part of blogging...? Geez I'm an amateur.) 

I went and checked out Widge and then I looked at what she reads and found bliss in a tea cup and there I found Small Town Stories which I couldn't figure out how to follow so I guess that slays that one for me anyway BUT THE LIST WAS NEVER ENDING and so I find myself here asking the question: Should I quit while I'm ahead?

Anyways, life seems to be getting back to 'settle' 

I've thrown a tanty lately, like a spoiled brat, though (again like I spoiled brat) I think it was well deserved of it's receiver... I think we have made progress.

Also I am trying to relax a bit. I love the  REALity of fellow bloggers and sometimes I actually am a little over cautious I think. Sometimes I completely clam up and say kaka, blah blah blah, nothings. Other times I have been like a tap with no off valve!

So expect me more relaxed (cos that is what I am praying for) 

I complained to a friend about the complaining of my friends and she said to me 

"Sweetie. I think it is about calling." 

to which I replied 

"What are you trying to say?! I need to suck it up?!" (can you hear my annoyance...)

she (with a deep sigh) replied 

"Yes. You do."

.

.

.

So apparently I am a 'Carer' My attitude can be pretty average when I say to God "But I can't be bothered..." I know now, I need to get educated! People talk to me for a reason (and please hear me - I love to be here for my friends, for anyone but don't complain to me over and over and over and over and then tell me you didn't ask God or attempt any of the things I suggested - that is about the point when "I can't be bothered") but I need to be on my game if I am to be any help to anyone! And you know what else... I need to get back to loving me. Busyness leaves little me time - so now, my new word is NO. Honestly I am not good at NO. Knowing I am busy I try and squeeze people in everywhere I can, but it is not good for me (or my family - no one likes a cranky wife!) So.... maybe I'll be on here more, maybe I'll watch more movies MAYBE I'll read some books (haha - I am actually reading the Chronicles of Narnia, I am a book behind my boy and he is loving having someone to discuss the books with - it's nice for us)

Anyway - again - I appreciate the eye-opening the blogging has done for me. Thank you Ladies!

xx

I love worship.

Air I Breathe

(hm, I'm not sure how to post a video from youtube not sure if this has worked)

My solace. My comfort. My refuge.

<sup>Psalm 18


1</sup> I love you, O LORD, my strength.

 ² The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
       my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
       He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

 ³ I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
       and I am saved from my enemies.

 ⁴ The cords of death entangled me;
       the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

 ⁵ The cords of the grave coiled around me;
       the snares of death confronted me.

 ⁶ In my distress I called to the LORD;
       I cried to my God for help.
       From his temple he heard my voice;
       my cry came before him, into his ears.

 ⁷ The earth trembled and quaked,
       and the foundations of the mountains shook;
       they trembled because he was angry.

 ⁸ Smoke rose from his nostrils;
       consuming fire came from his mouth,
       burning coals blazed out of it.

 ⁹ He parted the heavens and came down;
       dark clouds were under his feet.

 ¹⁰ He mounted the cherubim and flew;
       he soared on the wings of the wind.

 ¹¹ He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
       the dark rain clouds of the sky.

 ¹² Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
       with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

 ¹³ The LORD thundered from heaven;
       the voice of the Most High resounded.

 ¹⁴ He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,
       great bolts of lightning and routed them.

 ¹⁵ The valleys of the sea were exposed
       and the foundations of the earth laid bare
       at your rebuke, O LORD,
       at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

 ¹⁶ He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
       he drew me out of deep waters.

 ¹⁷ He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
       from my foes, who were too strong for me.

 ¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
       but the LORD was my support.

 ¹⁹ He brought me out into a spacious place;
       he rescued me because he delighted in me.

 ²⁰ The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
       according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.

 ²¹ For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
       I have not done evil by turning from my God.

 ²² All his laws are before me;
       I have not turned away from his decrees.

 ²³ I have been blameless before him
       and have kept myself from sin.

 ²⁴ The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
       according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.

 ²⁵ To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
       to the blameless you show yourself blameless,

 ²⁶ to the pure you show yourself pure,
       but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.

 ²⁷ You save the humble
       but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.

 ²⁸ You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
       my God turns my darkness into light.

 ²⁹ With your help I can advance against a troop;
       with my God I can scale a wall.

 ³⁰ As for God, his way is perfect;
       the word of the LORD is flawless.
       He is a shield
       for all who take refuge in him.

 ³¹ For who is God besides the LORD ?
       And who is the Rock except our God?

 ³² It is God who arms me with strength
       and makes my way perfect.

 ³³ He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
       he enables me to stand on the heights.

 ³⁴ He trains my hands for battle;
       my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

 ³⁵ You give me your shield of victory,
       and your right hand sustains me;
       you stoop down to make me great.

 ³⁶ You broaden the path beneath me,
       so that my ankles do not turn.

 ³⁷ I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
       I did not turn back till they were destroyed.

 ³⁸ I crushed them so that they could not rise;
       they fell beneath my feet.

 ³⁹ You armed me with strength for battle;
       you made my adversaries bow at my feet.

 ⁴⁰ You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
       and I destroyed my foes.

 ⁴¹ They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
       to the LORD, but he did not answer.

 ⁴² I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind;
       I poured them out like mud in the streets.

 ⁴³ You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
       you have made me the head of nations;
       people I did not know are subject to me.

 ⁴⁴ As soon as they hear me, they obey me;
       foreigners cringe before me.

 ⁴⁵ They all lose heart;
       they come trembling from their strongholds.

 ⁴⁶ The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
       Exalted be God my Savior!

 ⁴⁷ He is the God who avenges me,
       who subdues nations under me,

 ⁴⁸ who saves me from my enemies.
       You exalted me above my foes;
       from violent men you rescued me.

 ⁴⁹ Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
       I will sing praises to your name.

 ⁵⁰ He gives his king great victories;
       he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed,
       to David and his descendants forever.

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Would you keep a friend around who lied to you all the time?

Seriously - what is with the mind and the things we tell ourselves, the things we take seriously and the things we ignore.


I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here.


Ok, I'll start with me. Everyday I have to tell myself: I'm awesome, I'm funny, I'm good at my job, I'm not a d!ck, I'm loved, I'm valued, I'm kind. Because everyday I forget. Seriously. I'm 32, and the only thing I am certain of is that Jesus Loves Me as I am and He created me for greater. Yet, still, with the everyday reminders. What does it take to get to that space of absolute confidence? To live in that space. I just wanna be there.


I'm sick. I think that's why I am so BLERGH (you have to make that sound aloud to know exactly what I mean by it) 


It's actually pretty straightforward Romans 12:02 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Am I being dumb? Should I paint it on a canvas and hang it next to my mirror so I see it everyday, is that all it's gonna take? Or is it a work I am desperately in need of (the answer is 'yes' isn't it?) Is it a work in progress?


Oh Jesus, I'm glad you have me.

Is it OK to change the name of my blog?

Are there rules?
Is it confusing?

Feel like I'm in a new space?

Is that normal?

Does it happen?

Seriously I need your thoughts on this. (plus - I have not been at this long)