"Show me Your ways
That I may walk with You
Show me Your ways
I put my hope in You
The cry of my heart is to love You more
To live with the touch of Your hands
Stronger each day
Show me Your way" Hillsong
Everything in my life has seemed hazardous recently. Raw. Explosive to touch. Scary.
I've been on guard for what might happen next.
I have battled my way, to this day.
I am not alone. Many battle alongside me. Actually, more correctly, they fight in parallel to me.
I have talked to a number of people 'going through a tough time' but
'they don't want anyone to know' or 'they don't need any help'
My question is: Where do we draw a line in the sand?
How hard does it get before we turn. How long do we wait or battle before we seek each other out for:
Solace?
Comfort?
Support?
Rest?
Understanding?
Hugs.
And how do we open up to each other when we are often afraid of feeling or experiencing the vulnerability of our situation? Of being so exposed.
I don't know about you but in Church or at home I sing things like:
"I have decided, I have resolved
To wait upon You, Lord." Hillsong
OR
"Here I stand in need of You
I reach to You my Saviour" Equippers
Yet, when tough times come, is my immediate inclination to my Rock and my Redeemer?
Sadly, too often, no.
I try to fix it myself. I KNOW. Me. Broken, bruised, rattled and hurt, trying to fix myself.
As I worshipped on Sunday, trying not to cry (people have questions when you cry and they give you that 'look' of sympathy *shudder* Anyway...) God sang a song over me. I was determined, hardened even, to not backing down. Determined not to be the first to apologise. Determined. Stubborn. Yet God sang over me. And what He sang was loving. And generous. "I see you. I always see you. I love what I see, I created you to be free. Live for Me. Love for Me. Forgive for Me. Rest in Me. Rejoice in Me."
This is our God. Jehovah El Roi. This is our God. El shaddai. Adonai. Rapha. Shalom.
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim.
In the light of His glory and grace."
I've had this page open on my computer all day long. I've thought of you and prayed for you and thought of you some more. I've wanted to write a comment but not just any comment. I don't know what you are going though but I can tell you are going through it with God by your side, even if you don't have the answers or help you need right this moment, it will come. I have been there too, walking a lonely journey at times trusting in God for my own personal situation. I love what God sang over you, "I see you. I always see you. I love what I see......" beautiful and encouraging in lifes challenging moments. I will keep praying and thinking of you and trust with you that God has it all under control, loves you and sees your heart.
ReplyDeleteLovely post shared from your heart!
Beautiful post. Honest and real. He is holding you. He is watching you. He knows what you can endure.
ReplyDeleteI love that He sang over you.
I cry during worship A LOT. I've given up thinking that anyone notices - I cry when I feel Him moving, and hear Him talking. There's an undoing of who I arrived as that morning and a changing into who He sees.
Let the tears flow hon!